For most of you reading this post, it’s probably your second snow day and as much as we loves it *said in Newfoundland accent*, we hates it *said in Gollum voice*. I have a lot to say, so stay in your jammies, grab an afternoon snack/early supper, sit back and read on.
Today I’m going to be sharing a different style post with you – this is going to be more of a diary entry and I’m sharing this for two reasons; the first, is to simply express it, to get it off my chest, out of my mind and out of my body. And the second reason is to hopefully help you feel supported, loved, cared for and if you can relate to these things that I have been experiencing, I hope it inspires you to take better care of yourself, to nurture yourself and love yourself. I haven’t planned this post I’m just going to share whatever is in my head and write it down, just the things that I have been thinking about these past few weeks and maybe past couple of months. I don’t really know exactly when it started but it’s kind of been a slow slippery slope.
First, I want to share this quote with you:
Watch the waves in the ocean. The higher the wave goes, the deeper is the wake that follows it. One moment you are the wave, another moment you are the hollow wake that follows. Enjoy both, don’t get addicted to one. Don’t say: I would always like to be on the peak. It is not possible. Simply see the fact: it is not possible. It has never happened and it will never happen. It is simply impossible, not in the nature of things. Then what to do? Enjoy the peak while it lasts and then enjoy the valley when it comes. What is wrong with the valley? What is wrong with being low? It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement, and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
When I read this quote I was like, “YES! YES! YES!” that is what I’m feeling, that is what I’ve been thinking and that’s what’s been going on for me. I have a really really hard time accepting the low points and accepting that I’m in a valley of my life. I get caught up with the excitement/the peak and I have a difficult time letting go of the idea that I can’t always be there and coming to terms with that.
So, let me give you a little more detail – I used to wake up super early like 5:30 – 6:00 AM every morning and go to the gym right away and that would be part of my morning routine, that was my foundation. The very special “me time” that I had every single morning before I started my day and that is really important to me. Over the past few weeks I have slipped out of that habit/morning routine and I’m just kind of waking up whenever, waking up a lot later, closer to 8:00 – 9:00 AM and then getting my day started. What happens when I let go of that morning routine, that structure, that discipline of waking up and going to the gym every morning and exercising? I lack discipline in other areas of my life, I start having less of a work routine, my meals are off and it seems like I lose a lot of hours in the day. It’s like the day is so much shorter when I don’t have that early morning and because of that if feels like my days haven’t been as fulfilling as I would like – It has been getting me down and I feel like I’ve been in a slump of laziness.
I don’t want this to come off as I have an exercise addiction because that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m trying to say is, having one thing that is a habitual routine that gets you out of bed in the morning. For you, it could be something different but I’m just talking about a ritual. This was very healthy for me and I feel like I’ve lost touch with my ritual over the last couple of weeks. It might sound like I’m exaggerating because I’m currently self-employed and I don’t have to work at a certain time and this could be taken as me being ungrateful and that’s not it at all. I’m simply at a low point and I just need to pick myself back up again but I felt compelled to share with you that I’m not “ON” all the time, I’m not at this “high peak” all the time, 365 days of the year – I have low days.
I realized that I fell into the daze of going through the motions and that’s not who I am.
So that quote that I shared about embracing the feeling of being at the peak and also being in the valley, I feel like I haven’t been embracing being in the valley. To me, that means relaxing or when you’re feeling stressed, taking things off your plate but it doesn’t mean letting go of your rituals, it doesn’t mean stopping the things that you’re passionate about. It means simply nurturing yourself and knowing when it’s time to step back and knowing when it’s time to relax, feel mellow and have a day off but it doesn’t mean allowing yourself to do it day after day after day – which is what I’ve been doing…
It feels good to share this because I have no desire for you to think that I’m this perfect human being, that is always positive, always happy, always killin’ it. Sure, that’s definitely my highest self, feeling amazing and taking care of myself. Experiencing the valleys and the peaks and just loving it all and being accepting of it all, that’s definitely me at the core – and I love that version of myself.
I feel like I’m going through somewhat a rebirth right now, like this lazy part of me is dying. My life is shifting right before my eyes and it feels healthy for me to share this with you, that I’ve been going through this. My intentions for the next couple months before Justin and I head down South, is to get back into that morning ritual that I had for myself and that I loved – waking up early, getting to the gym, getting an early start to the day and carrying things out like I was when I felt my absolute best. I really believe that implementing the things that make me feel the best will bring me back into that routine and into that good rhythm and just feeling more positive, more motivating, more alive again! I feel like I’ve been dying and I just hope that if you can relate to this in any way that you will do what it takes to bring yourself out of this slump. You know the things that make you feel good, maybe for you it’s getting 10 hours of sleep every night, taking a bath, going for a run, walking your dog, morning yoga, whatever those things are that really make you feel good and on top of things and empowered. I truly hope that you will take this as a sign to jump back into those things that are best for you.
I feel like that’s the main thing I want to share with you – what’s been going on with me and hopefully inspire you to take better care of yourself.
Bye for now!